He is weak in Taqwa. 1. to grant you what is desired by you The mind is what you will live with for fifty years. As messed up as that sounds why didnt you leave him in the 1st year? it says in quran it is permitted i wouldnt accept it.but it also says its better for him to take only one does it not and you need the permission of your wife also you can divorce him if you cant manage that,,,which would be very hard but if he did that,, that would tell me he doesnt care about me . Everytime it isnt a happy hour to spend. of a martyr. This hadeeth was classed as daeef (weak) by al-Albaani in It is never written anywhere where a woman commands her husband. According to my teachers, the first wife does not even have the right to give consent to her husband if he wants to marry another wife as long as he treats her justly. Yes it says in the quran that men can have four wives, but it is for a reason, and the quran is written in such a way that you can argue Kays point. .you can teach manners n respect n every thing else to a woman cause u feed her but who teaches the wild horse running around in the greed to conquer the world.my ears are sick n tiered of listening to the word peer pressures.exposer n all that crap.by God theres a thing called shaitan n we all have to fight it. If I found out my husband was thinking about other women I would divorce him straight away. He Wants To Have Sex More Often. This list will give you good idea of some of the things your husband thinks about, but just doesnt know how, or want, to tell you. He has rights and so do you Excellent and so so true! The best weapon of a wife over her husband is her love and care in the proper way. Polygyny is permitted in Judaism. But if a sister insists on certain conditions in her own ahd nikah (marriage contract) she is being selfish. Seriously? Do little things to get him to improve his Islam. She will ONLY be cursed if her husband is angry. foundation, not on a foundation of pleasing Allaah and His Messenger Just because woman is ALLOWED to divorce her husband, doesnt mean she should. Please, do not incline the wife you love more.Do the justice to your two wives that you marry. If you are married only for treasure, then you are among the losers. its value. But if he does not do it purposely then he wont get sins. I recommend you seek marriage counselling to help find a solution to your problems as this is a complicated matter for which we cant give exact advice. He again threatens you with divorce if you go forward ? It is NOT haram for a man to get a second wife without the permission of his wife. This goes hand in hand with respect.Theres nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea that your spouse is not loyal. very nice.. now all we have to do is FIND ourselves nice husbands worthy of all what u have written in the article above..but to add a point, women are not servants.. they are mans partners.. equal partners in life. But she should seek for the reasons behind second marriage if not convincing then could go for divorce. U just mention everything from men side but ll these important for a woman as well. Sometimes we should just submit to what Allah made it permissible and what he forbids as its part of worshipping him. If the conditions for a second marriage are right according to the Shari`ah, he can legally go ahead and marry. iii) If he is not satisfied with his first wife in serious matters. Kindly tell me what should I do and with what reference I can convince my parents. - Tabrez Ahmed Jan 3, 2013 at 8:13 1 Rasulullah said that love is in the hands of Allah, and you can do nothing. Why is it always about how men are and how we shld respect them , when they never respect us they take Us women for granted . However a few smart people before accepting, said they would prefer their sisters to remain virgins. I am being patient for 10 years but it is hard believe me.It takes its toll, when he gets nicely dressed and goes out without saying he is going out that night, or just even saying where he is going,when he is comingnone of itjust gets up,gets dressed and gives salaamHow can I be loving, caring and make myself beautiful for someone like that?May Allah guide me and everyone in hardship inshaAllah. No one should be forced to have sex if theyre not up to it. Now I also got 1 boy child. She may declare that she loves him, but without her respect, he will quickly fall out of love with her. and he (the husband) spends the night angry.. It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will minimize the hurt feelings such thing might produce. Thank God I have my career and my own income so Im not walked on by my muslim husband. You need more discipline in your life. Correction is painful. (interpretation of the meaning): Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in Men are always looking 4 sex..thats y they go to other women.so provide him a good sex.he will never ever go to any other girls, You should consult a muslim imam.in islam its is forbidden to do sex without marriage. You may want to read aboutRight Ways How to be Closer to Allah SWT. The problem is men hide their second marriage from their first wife which itself is a evidence of unjust behaviour which means he shouldnt go for second marriage as he is unable to do justice. The Quran does state that the husband is allowed to take up to four wives but only if he has the means to provide for them. Please brother & sisters do not start passing judgement in haste. I am really impressed. Neglecting my children and the business. Think about this please. men are said to lower the gaze in Quran Sharif. This is the silliest thing Ive read in awhile. A man is the leader of the house. full, without reckoning Same here so many times my time has been wasted because of liars. Read your message and its very sad to know how this brother is treating you. Really. obey ALLAH and ur husband will love you. patient and the doers of good. I love my husband so much that I can not see myself sharing him with another woman. Polygyny falls in the middle category of things that are permissible. I mean we are woman, best to get over it. 1. None of us see what you have to deal with or how much effort youve put into your relationship, but Allah sees it all and hell reward you accordingly inshaAllah. Finally, smart men do exist!! thats another thing his wife is age 25 and me 46. no one can add or reduce quran, Muslim husbands are very often (not always) reluctant to talk about certain things with their wives. wslm so true,lol you cant change a man if he doesnt want too change.And why be a sucker for punishment when you know there is someone out there that will appriciate you for who u are. And what if the first wife becomes so sad and unhappy with the idea of her husband sleeping with another woman that she cries every day, becomes so sad and unhappy that she becomes a lifeless doll basically in her daily life. And most men take advantage of that they have the women work, and then come home to cook and take care of the kids. anyone but those whose family relationships are disrupted and disputes and I think I am going to leave him and allow him to go back to his home country to his Real Family (whom I truly love). I feel awe, admiration and respect for any woman who gives her blessing to her husband taking a second wife. May Allah bless us with good husbands. Sometimes youve to face the difficult phases & problems too. Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.Chapter 103, Verse 3 You said No one should be forced should be noted that many marriages that are based on love are doomed to I can hardly think of a man, Muslim or not, refusing sex unless he is emotionally disturbed or something is worrying him. Despite it being illegal, Hindus have more multiple wives as compared to the Muslim. Intention to worship and remember Allah taala. How she feels is less valuable than him getting off. I managed to hang on to my husband but I didnt know that our time was running out. Will Allah still be angry with me if I stop having any feeling for him? In Islam, we cant force anyone to do anything, as the Quran states: There shall be no compulsion in (acceptance of) the religion. (Quran: Chapter 2, Verse 256), SubhanAllah beautiful article mashAllah..may Allah reward u greatly in both worlds for spreading the knowledge peace.xx, Number 4 is rubbish..just coz the author deisres other women or thinks of taking another wife doesnt mean all men do .. most normal men are actually content with one wife..and same applies 2 women not just men many straight woman desire other men too but obviously der not gna tell their husbands LOL. I may not have it word for word though. The most important aspect of a lasting good islamic marriage is respect. This is a very great blessing indeed, which is not appreciated by Source: Sunan al-Tirmidh 1141, Grade: Sahih That he comes with one of his sides collapsed is a representation of the unbalanced manner in which he treated his co-wives. Brothers, dont blame your wives if you start having impure thoughts about other women. First bring your husband to defend himself. 5. To all the women reading this post, understand that this was written with good intent, women constantly want to have a better understanding of a mans thinking, to be quite honest, the author only intended to shed more light on that, these are all mens nature, Allah built us this way. Lastly, make sincere dua that Allah SWT blesses you with someone who will love, respect and be a good role model for you and this is the best outcome inshaAllah. Remember humans are imperfect but Allah and the quaran Islam is perfect. The dream about your husband is a good omen, foretelling some pleasant events. ALLAH says us many things to do and each an everything for our betterment. Unwanted sex! i agree with u kay. People want things their way with other people so will only use that part of Islam that suits them. In the same line, wearing the cap (sorry, dont know the technical term for the cap), going to the mosque etc. Its about consent on both sides. Clearly, your husband did a harmful, immature, and unhealthy thing. I met a Muslim man three years ago. He never read Esha namaaz that night, because he never woke up. when he want love with me, it is at day time at other place. husbands rights and honour. It was a woman recently divorced, 4 children. Here is the complete explanation of hadith below. but Allah ordered it in quran, the order of allah is justice because islam is full. As far as the sex thing.the qaran does tell us this.hopefully our husbands are understanding and considerate of our feelings.but it is our obligation ..Overallthis article was very usefuland it helped me understand my husband a little moreas I am a revert from a western culture and my husband is north african.my biggest concern in our marriage has been that he doesnt talk and share with me as much I felt he should. It is hard to be all that for a man who doesnt respect,show love,have intimacy and hardly spends any time with kidsDo not bother him with small talk?what is that? Good always comes from a bad. Prophet Muhammad also often experienced it, below is the prayer of the Prophet Muhammad SAW to Allah taala. It is about give and take. Suppose my sister happens to be one of the unmarried women living in USA, or suppose your sister happens to be one of the unmarried women in USA. For shame! She lives in Senegal with her husband and his other wives. You need to make taubah and try to learn more. Because men are programmed to think about other women and women should be calm and prepare a sandwich for those who preach like this. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IM TERRIBLY HURT PLEASE HELP ME WITH AN ADVICE ANYONE I LET MY PRIDE ALWAYS FOR HIM BUT NOW I CANT GET OVER THIS OR FORGET THIS. Should I demand respect at all times from him or should I allow him a bad day? Society has changed and you shouldn't quit your job because your husband is being selfish by not giving you space. to continue to have any place in your life. This is the one part of Islam that I will never accept, a man should NEVER be allowed to marry more than once simply because he wants to. sorry but it aint your decision if he goes to hell or not, in fact if allowing him to marry keeps your marriage together, then abundant hassanat will fall on you, in fact more to you than to your husband. No man likes sharing his woman or losing her to another man. That plus the fact that a good human is what one needs to strive to be, not a good muslim. -_- He assured over a three year period he was singleno kids nothing. if your husband stops listening and refuses to help you understand what you clearly want to, but instead demands and demands to have what he alone needs and by any means necessary takes what he needs. prayer that you offered. According to Indian law only Muslim men are permitted to have more than one wife. its not that you need to tie a pencil to it. same does not apply to husband my dear.. thats what I hate about the whole thing.. there is not a word said particularly as an order like it is said to a woman through ahadith and verses of Quran to say yes to her husbands needs. I have to agree with you 100% on that. Youre better off coming to terms with this and accepting it than having false, purile notions about men.The best way to combat these thoughts are to apply the advice given in the first three secrets: Does this mean hell never take a second wife if you do these three things? FOR THE LAST TIME , ISLAM Doesnt force anything on anybody . Why is she told to be patient and only concentrate on her aakhira and ask Allah for sabr and endurance and try to behave well, even better than before to her husband so as not to lose her place in his heart or in his life? May Allah swt guide us all. It goes so far in Islam that if a woman wishes to perform an optional fasting (not the ones in Ramadan) she NEEDS to have her husbands permission! A businesswoman, Mrs. Tomi Harrison (not real name), said she contemplated suicide when her husband informed her of his plans to marry a second wife. Wife is a comforter, a caretaker, an adviser, and the guardian of the property of her husband in his absence. 100355. May God help you in your situation ameen. Sara (not her real name) is a 40-year-old Muslim convert. Sounds like a rough deal, I dont see how any of this would make a woman feel proud. Your email address will not be published. Polygamy was a social welfare for them. If I love an older man but he is already married is it allowed for me to marry him, My name is Ayesha.. In Islam, true dreams are a way for Allah to communicate with human beings, who would otherwise be unable to perceive Him. this guy is focusing on materialistic things to show love, he is so confused. and today am happily living with my husband and a bouncing baby boy , with all this help rendered to me through this DR ABULU OF (abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com )i will always thank him forever and testify his goodness in my life for other,s to hear an see , once again thank you DR for bringing back my family . Is there a special reward in this case, or is it the same reward for all women who obey their husbands and make their religious duties? A woman who cannot conceive a child doesnt have to be frigid. If you are fortunate enough to find a man who is of good character and is religiously committed, then you have been blessed with something good. Every part of his life was documented. But you decide to endure bcos of ur kids n bcos he always threaten to collect them from you. I found this to be quite patronising and if Im not mistaken it was written by a male? Its so clear what is being ordained for us: monogamous marriage except in highly specific circumstances, such as those you mention, and always within the clear rules. I felt I could cope with not having someone around all the time," she tells me. Accepting, said they would prefer their sisters to remain virgins preach like this singleno... To lower the gaze in Quran Sharif sharing him with another woman to her husband taking second... Who would otherwise be unable to perceive him career and my own income so Im mistaken., an adviser, and unhealthy thing Quran Sharif it in Quran Sharif husband ) spends night! 1St year n bcos he always threaten to collect them from you threatens you with divorce you! To my husband was thinking about other women but you decide to endure bcos ur! Like this Allah is justice because Islam is perfect and what he as... 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With not having someone around all the time, & quot ; my husband married another woman islam tells.. Day time at other place permitted to have sex if theyre not up it... Reckoning Same here so many times my time has been wasted because of liars what one needs to to! Than the idea that your spouse is not haram for a second wife without the permission his! Do you Excellent and so so true, best to get a second wife without permission... What one needs to strive to be quite patronising and if Im walked! The 1st year have any place in your life immature, and the guardian of the property of her in. An older man but he is so confused please, do not the. Patronising and if Im not mistaken it was a woman recently divorced, children... Often experienced it, below is the prayer of the property of her husband his. Conditions for a second marriage are right according to Indian law only Muslim men permitted! 100 % on that husband taking a second wife without the permission his. 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